DVD Review: Snakes On A Motherfucking Plane

Yep, I'm back, not with a review of the best action film of the year, but THE BEST FILM EVER MADE.

DVD Review: Snakes On A Plane (David R. Ellis, 2006, USA).

"Eddie Kim let a load of vemonous snakes onto the plane".

How's that for a synopsis?

I have quite a long reltionship with this film. Not as long as with Donna but... actually nearly as long. Thats kind of creepy... Anyway, last year I heard of this film on various internet sites. A film starring Samuel L Jackson, the coolest actor alive, starring in a film called Snakes On A Plane. That was before the whole internet got buzz of it (And I mean that, as lame as it sounds). But when it came to the cinema, I didn't see it. I wanted to ee it with a bunch of people, I even offered to pay for Donna's bus fare, ticket, popcorn and drink just so I could have someone there with me, but eventually I admitted defeat. I waited for the DVD. WHY DID I WAIT? I grabbed a few tinnies and stuck it on....
Sean (Nathan Phillips, who two minutes ago I recgonised as being the guy from Wolf Creek), an extreme sports addict, shown by um.. his riding a bike during the titles, witnesses a mob hit by gangster Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson, main villian in two scenes!) and has agent Flynn (Samuel L Jackson) to protect him on a flight to the trial for the murder Kim commited. Obivuously Kim doesn't want this to happen, and so after "exhausting all other option", decides to unleash a load of posioinous snakes on the plane to either a. kill Sean, or b. (and this is the kicker) make sure the plane crashes and no one survives. The plane, its crews, and passengers must band together to try and get out of the situation alive.
Where do I even begin? I can't be objective, I was prepared to be disapointed but god it blew me away, it is absolute pure cheese of the highest order. Very much as well as Crank but in a different way. The dialogue is terrible such as...

"Sir, Are you telling me that your only flight time is on a video game?"

"This plane will go down faster than a Thai hooker"

Two particular favourites. The effects are fucking terrible, I mean really very bad, it looks unfinished, much of the acting is shocking and the titliation in the film is absurd. But it seems to know this. Everyone plays it straight but there are signs. The shitty effects seem to be done so purposefully to illicit laughs, one thing which springs to mind is when a guy gets hit by a nsake smacks his head on a wall and seems to start bleeding through the sheer mild force of the hit to the head. Of the film was being played straight, it could not have got past spec stage without lines such as those above being cut. The actors seem to have been given the instruction to play the thing straight but with a sense of knowing behind the perfomances. Samuel L Jackson is clearly having the time of his life and that comes across in every frame he is in. My favourite part of the film? Sounds odd out of context but some lights come on and you hear a random passenger shout "Snakes!" Love it. That's all I can say. I think many people may very much hate this film, it is rubbish really but rubbish which hits my buttons dead on.

This was a rental copy, I'll have my opinions on the other aspects of the DVD when I buy the retail copy.